Ranking All Terraria NPCs On If They Could Be My Defense Attorney

Ranking All Terraria NPCs On If They Could Be My Defense Attorney

hey what’s going on guys uh it looks like I got into some major trouble I’m talking legal troubles but the problem is I do not know what lawyer I should pick to represent me well luckily I have these 37 candidates who may or may not be able to step up to the plate yes today I am ranking all Terraria NPCs excluding the pets on how well they could defend me in the courtroom now today’s criteria is going to be this looks intelligence judgment creativity communication empathy and of course cost now as always let’s hop right in and see who is a Saul Goodman and who is a look at this dude I’m going straight to jail kicking things off we’re going to go in chronological order so we’re going to start off with the prehard mode NPCs we are going to have the legend himself the guide so the guide is just an endless well of knowledge he’s capable of spitting out complete and total facts about what to do or where to go now he would be able to completely advise me and be able to like find any and all pieces of information with the law to help me get at worst the minimum sentence and at best be declared not guilty like we even portray him with his voodoo doll to fight the Wall of Flesh you know he he keeps getting reincarnated time and time again and yet he just reincarnates and he forgets about the entire past he still loves us he still provides us information he’s loyal he is intelligent courteous gold oriented and of course kind now I feel like the guide is also too kindhearted to even charge me like some sort of great big fee I think he has every metric we need to go into the highest recognition of s tier moving on we have the merchant where the merchant is like a greedy old man that only spawns once the player is a certain amount of money and he always says stuff like did you say gold I’ll take that off of you he’s definitely like lawyer material let’s be real uh he also dislikes the tax collector for obvious reasons so he definitely has some ways to get out of crimes such as money laundering or theft of course his cost if I were to hire him as my lawyer would be astronomical and I feel like I’d pay him too much for him to do too little he would get me the first deal he can reach with the prosecutor which is not always the best deal with all that being said he would at least try to some extent and would be able to do something in might defense as he’s generally good at starting players off with you know what they need so he’s not great and he’s not horrible he’s definitely okay so I feel like Merchant should go up into the B tier moving on we have the nurse where she’s a Healer who spawns in under the condition that she has a home the merchant is present and the player has at least 100 Health minimum uh now the nurse would definitely be able to perform and understand more like injury based crimes and situations uh she could also be able to better understand more extreme occurrences such as is autopsies for a murder or something along those lines uh she definitely has an affinity with loving Bad Boys such as the Arms Dealer so she would definitely try and you know help me cover a crime if I actually did commit it you know the nurse seems like one of those ride or die kind of people I think she could Forge or manipulate medical documentation to my favor making her decently suited to be representing me in my defense of course she does still have a cost as she’ll not even heal a wounded player for free with all that being said feel like the nurse seems pretty qualified to be my lawyer I’m going to move her one above the merchant I’m going to place her into the a tier now here comes someone with a explosive personality the demolitionist he’ll only spawn if there’s a house with the merchant and the player is holding an explosive I have a feeling that the demolitionist would be only suited to handle like Niche extreme crimes ones that actually somehow involve explosives and ones that are too harsh to list on YouTube now otherwise he’d not be of too much great of use for me and may even like make my situation I think worse I can very easily see the demolitionist walking into the courtroom and casually bringing up how he has like Bombs all inside his pockets as he’s speaking to the judge you know maybe even saying a quote that he says like it’s a good day to die similarly The Tavern keep States no wonder whoever the name of the demolitionist has so many accidents you can’t imagine how much ale he buys from me that’s two bad things he he’s always drunk and he always has explosives on him so his fness for the tavern keep is even more concerning as he could easily show up to the courtroom drunk as a skunk so I have serious doubts about the demolitionist defending me in the court in pretty much any regard especially as I see him more hindering my innocence uh more so than helping it and therefore demolicious is going to be the first that I’m going to place all the way at the bottom into the F tier up next is the die Trader who spawns in with a house of course the player is holding a dire ingredient and at least four other NPCs are present the die Trader seems to have that kind of rich and snobby attitude behind him as he says stuff such as the only kind of wood I would bother dying is Rich mahogany dying any other wood is such a waste I have a feeling that the die Trader would try and pull a fast one on me where I would pay him like up front and then I just somehow never see him again he just runs off with my money even if he were to show up would he have like any qualifications he could barter decently but otherwise his judgment may be too clouded by finances more than anything else so I would trust him more so than the demolitionist but otherwise he’s pretty low I’m going to throw the die Trader into the etier now we have the quest giving angler a child who you could find washed ashore uh he doesn’t sell you anything nor does he do much outside of fishing which is pretty concerning uh he would obviously be preoccupied with tying fishing knots or watching the outdoors channel or or something before he does anything for you would a child have too much Insight on law Maybe but definitely not this child again I would at least trust him he’d at least show up to court and maybe attempt something he wouldn’t run off with my money or hinder me in any sort of form or fashion so the angler is meh it’s better than the previous two entrance I’m going to place the angler into the D tier now we have one of the more interesting NPCs we have the zoologist uh she requires an empty house and at least 10% of the beasti area to be filled to spawn in and of course she has her unique outwardly appearance being a humanized anthropomorphic Fox human hybrid sort of deal going on if the courtroom would allow her looks which were to give her the benefit of the doubt again we always give her the benefit of the doubt she would be okay at her job uh I think there’s a few issues though so cooping her up in a courtroom all day is the same as caging up your household dog and would just make her like restless and too excited to concentrate also we have to hope that my meeting time in the courtroom does not fall under a full moon or else she would turn into her werefox form and if she were to defend me she would just say something like come on Judge he tot didn’t do it and my face would just like sink into the palms of my hands I think the zoologist is a pretty huge risk and therefore I’m going to place her into the F tier she would just hinder me more so than do anything good now following up with looks and the dress code violations we have even more dress code violations the dryad now she only spawns in when there’s of course an available house and any B from the list have been defeated she would be able to detect a corrupt court system at least if I placed her in that situation and may be able to like somehow manipulate my verdict due to this you know maybe she could do some sort of blackmailing or something along those lines uh her clothing situation is what’s wrong with choosing her for the courtroom but maybe you know you could just tell her and she could dress up uh a little more formally she’d probably not like it but maybe she’d at least do it the drad would also say that the jury has some like negative Vibes and throw some sort of questionable powder towards them to make them quote unquote happy so I’m between E and F tier and I’m going to give the dry the benefit of the doubt I think she’s a little better at least than like the zoologist I’m going to place her into the E tier moving on we now have the painter a man who cares a great deal about the colors that can be expressed through the brush he requires an empty house and at under NPCs and simply sells you anything and everything to do with painting now I get like major dirty lawyer Vibes with this so he would be able to like cover up my crimes and would be able to somehow manipulate investigators to not be able to gather evidence if I were to commit the crime he gives me major Saul Goodman Vibes now he could easily do like a landlord special on a crime scene and just literally paint over everything I think in terms of legalities the painter would be somewhat lacking he also seems to lack a little bit of empathy I feel like he’d at least tried pretty well he would charge me a little bit the average painter’s cost so he’s okay in that regard I’m going to put the painter in the B tier up next we have a man after my own heart we have the golfer he spawns in the underground desert and speaking to him quote unquote Freez him with legendary names such as Jim Mulligan or Jack nicholis I feel like he’s a man who is fixated on one thing can you guess what that is man I’ll be honest I I think I’m really screwed here you know anything to get me out of this he could use his golf skills to gas up the judge who has like a good chance to also enjoy the sport uh maybe they could strike a decent out of court deal with the prosecution while they’re all playing 18 holes now the chance for that is seemingly low but at least there’s a chance I feel like I’d be pretty nervous with the golfer my lawyer so I’m going to go ahead and throw the golfer into the deep here following up the golfer we have the Arms Dealer now the Arms Dealer has excellent Charisma as he’s known to woo several female NPCs in Terraria so he definitely has the ability to try and uh persuade the jury to give a lighter sentence or fines or whatever but let’s say that the judge or jury doesn’t buy into it say they’re not convinced by arms dealers honeyed words how would he react he would draw whatever firearm he has and point it directly at someone’s skull and not even hesitate to pull the trigger now I think that is a huge risk taking the Arms Dealer on as my lawyer but he could still probably very slightly have a chance to represent me as a lawyer so I’m going to go ahead and I’m going to keep him out of the F tier and place him into the E tier now we find an unconscious man after defeating either the brain of cthulu or the Eater of Worlds we have the tavern keep an NPC that comes from the Dungeon Defenders 2 crossover I find the tavern keep to be someone who boasts a lot saying that life’s a challenge when you’re just naturally better than everyone else but he also has a sympathetic side to him being a bartender who thinks that you can just drink away your worries now is a sympathy just to Gaslight me into giving him some more gold maybe I found him to be okay to rise up to the podium in my stad but I don’t think he’s either the best nor the worst so I’m going to place the tavern keep just directly in the middle I’m going to place him into the C tier we now have the spider caves damsel and distress we have the stylus The Stylist really gives off that rumorous hair stylist Vibe always spreading like gossip and rumors at every opportunity also have a pretty good feeling that she wouldd be terrible at keeping any secrets and therefore like my confidentiality with her would be just in Ruins I would be all alone with her like discussing our defense case and tell her something like honestly stylist I did throw out that litter I am a litter bug but I’m never going to admit it in court and then we would appear in court and she would just blurred out this reminds me of when that other guy SF confessed that he was a litterbug just out of nowhere in all honesty she might be able to change up my looks and style a bit as to throw off like eyewitnesses or something like that but then she would somehow managed to just tell them once again that that person is me I think she would absolutely throw me under the bus at the first opportunity whether on purpose or by accident so I’m going to go I’m going to go ahead and I’m going to throw the stylist into the F tier now we have the bound Goblin rescued and made into the oh so lovable NPC we have the goblin tinkerer now the tinkerer would have that mindset that anything and everything could be simplified by the use of an invention so say he was handed all the information to defend me in a court case so instead of studying up on the case the goblin Tinker would try and make me a robot named like the automaton attorney 1.0 which would then just blurt out fallacies in the prosecution statements or something but like at the most awkward time he’d be able to help me out to some extent but I feel like the little old Goblin Tinker would somehow mess up something along the way and cause some sort of failures in my defense you know that the prosecution would just punch holes through my defense so he’s okay but again not the best I think I’m going to follow him up with the keep and I’m going to place the goblin Tinker into the C tier now we have the NPC after the queen bee has been defeated we have the witch doctor uh he speaks in sort of rhythms and Rhymes which may be able to confuse the judge and jury to help me uh again on the negative side of that though he could confuse the judge and the jury which in turn could anger them now what if I had a judge like Hank Hill how would he react after hearing the witch doctor statements you’re talking like a song from The Lion King stop that it makes no sense the witch doctor has some interesting clothing choices which again could anger and confuse uh I think he could represent me but he would just put me in a possibly worse position that I was before entering the courtroom he would be better suited at least I think he could somehow turn some stuff around in my favor so I’m going to go ahead and I’m going to put the witch doctor into the D tier now we have the old man freed from his curse of Skeletron we have the Clothier a man who has gone from Rags to Riches now I will leave my argument for Clothier with an example now let’s say that the glove fits me the cloer is able to easily manipulate those gloves given we we can like steal the gloves from evidence and make it such that they do not fit me in the slightest I feel that the cloer would be great for my defense if we play dirty able to change like my outfits and such so that I do not match any evidence that the police and detectives find at the scene of the crime the clo here is not perfect at being my lawyer by any stretch of the imagination but I feel pretty okay with him as my lawyer if we play dirty uh for this instance we’re going to so we’re going to place the cloer into the B tier now we have another saved person who’s found in the dungeon we have the mechanic an NPC who was forced by the cultist to build the mechanical bosses in hard mode uh her aptitude would make her pretty in intellectually capable of Defending me in court probably being able to site codes and laws from memory if you studied up on it she’d also have her General sense of guilt from constructing the mechanical bosses making her want to do right and defend me in court to the best of her ability therefore I don’t think she’ charge me too too much if anything the only concern is that she’s able to be easily intimidated and manipulated by the prosecution seeing as she built those mechanical beasts because she was threatened by the cultists so she doesn’t quite make it to the S tier due to her lack of emotional stability but I’m going to go ahead and throw her into the a tier Now where’s the party at it’s in your place with at least eight other NPCs yes it is the party girl would she defend me in court no she’s too busy pregaming would she be there after I hear my sentence which is the worst sentence I could receive no she’s too busy partying at the reception what would she even say in my defense towards the judge were you even there your honor party girl is one of the worst lawyer candidates on this list so of course she’s going to go automatically into the F tier up next we now have the hard mode NPCs which is of course after you beat the Wall of flx so here we’re going to have the first hard mode NPC we have the wizard himself now I think he has one of the best get out of jail free cards as he’s a wizard so he could just use a spell to do a multitude of things like levitate some evidence into a fireplace or perhaps confuse and disorient the witnesses or maybe he could even just cast an Amnesia spell to make anyone involved in my case maybe even me just forget all about it I feel like I have no issue at all giving the wizard the highest rank of s tier blowing up the wizard we have a man who is a video game incarnation of Ebenezer Scrooge we have the tax collector we know Scrooge is like cruel and unforgiving but that’s the kind of lawyer I would want he may lack sympathy but he makes up for it in like cold hard facts he’d be like cool and precise and could easily just bail me out with his almost Limitless income he receives taxes would people look down on me for choosing the old tax collector yes would I get out of that courtroom with a smile from cheek to cheek most likely I think the tax collector again lacking sympathy keeps him from the S tier but I’m going to go ahead and throw him into the a tier up next is the legendary walking mushroom creature thing we have the Truffle with the courtroom allow a giant mushroom in a suit inside youall know we’re about giving the benefit of the doubt on this channel so we will allow that big old shroom to represent me now I think he would write me a heartfelt testimonial for the judge and jury to hear that would cause them to tear up but they would immediately just like throw that out the window once they real who wrote it AKA a giant mushroom uh the Truffle would also just spray some sort of mutant spores everywhere while we’re just in the courtroom and attempt to grow some more of its children in the dark since they reproduce by budding the Truffle isn’t the best one and it’s also not the worst it’s it’s Bish so I’m going to go ahead and throw the Truffle into the B tier now we have one who has sailed the seven seas and is now sailing into try and make things pretty darn bad for me we have the pirate who spawns in at after at least one Pirate Invasion has been defeated is there anything a stereotypical pirate could do for my case uh he may be able to Parlay with the courtroom but otherwise I think I’m pretty much going to get a worst case scenario with pirate as my lawyer uh now maybe he could at least do something to get me out after I’ve been sent to jail you know do some sort of jailbreak but it’ll be like a Jack Sparrow kind of thing where he just bust me out of prison after my sentencing he wouldn’t protect me in the courtroom so if that is the case the pirate can at least do something to get me out of jail once I’m in so he isn’t all the way at the bottom in the F tier uh depending on the jail security I think he’d have a semi decent chance to bust me out so at least give him a little bit of a break and I’m going to go ahead and throw the Pirate into the D tier following up the pirate we have the steampunker a lady who comes in once we have defeated at least one mechanical boss now I think she would scoff at the idea of going to a courtroom where all the like lights above her run off of electricity as well as the computer that the person writing down the minutes uses when the steampunker says something like electricity don’t be ludicrous nothing beats the power of steam uh Her speech would definitely throw off the general audience as she says words like ragamuffin or Jiminy fluffer uh I’d put my case in her hands over the pirate at least because she is at least Innovative and could use her intelligent mind to help me out to some degree she’s not great she’s not horrible I’m going to go ahead and throw the steampunker into the SE tier adjacent to the steampunker we have the cyborg spawning in once planta has been defeated I in fact the cyborg definitely has some useful functions such as recording audio or video that could be submitted as evidence now is a man machine hybrid devoted to science he could try and use that science to keep me the heck out of the jail cell uh he would definitely be lacking sympathy for me and may not have the emotional capacity to understand the difficulties I go through when I am in the courtroom but as long as his task is to ensure that I’m found innocent I think he do a pretty good job overall I think I’d throw the cyborg into the a tier keeping him from the S tier due to his lack of sympathy and looks that may not be appropriate for the courtroom so as stated I’m going to go ahead and throw the cyborg into the a tier next up we have old Jolly Saint Nick Santa Claus himself now are you telling me he doesn’t keep track of who is naughty or nice he would instantly know if I did the crime and would probably just scold me and leave me a lump of coal if I actually do it now if I were innocent however he might pull out the naughty or nice list and a big feather pin and begin to scribble some of the jurors or judges named towards the naughty list for attempting to wrongly convict me feel like they would be tearing up just looking at that sort of site so Santa would be good for cases in which I’m innocent and not good for cases in which I’m guilty and I’m trying to get out of it or at least lighten my punishment but I have a pretty good feeling about the big old Jolly fella so therefore I’m going to throw Santa into the a tier so lastly on the hard mode NPCs we have the princess who spawns in when all other NPCs have already already moved in she sees the good in all people including her client aka me now we know that a princess is capable and has learned all laws and legislations and therefore is a prime candidate to be my lawyer uh she has the looks down she has the sympathy she would cost almost nothing since she already has riches and would do it out of the goodness of her heart even if we did lose the case and I was found guilty she could simply use her royalty and either get the judge fired or even worse or simp just pardon me of my crimes she would simply be a goddess of a lawyer for me and therefore I have no issues throwing the princess into the S tier so up next we have the other Merchants who are just non-permanent residents of our village or town or whatever you want to call it so starting things off we have the traveling Merchant now I feel even less comfortable using the traveling Merchant in comparison to the normal Merchant as at least I could find the regular Merchant quite easily in comparison I think I’d pay an initial fee to the tra Merchant and he would just skip town as soon as he received it you know it’s night time and where does he go I don’t know he runs off on a more positive note though I do think he has seen just about everything and can at least provide some sort of insight on pretty much any situation I get into I think I could at least attempt to make him my lawyer and he is better suited than a few other NPCs on this list so I’m going to go ahead I’m going to throw the traveling Merchant into the D tier so now we have the cloer while he’s cursed with his master Skeletron we have the old man a guy who has definitely seen better days and all he wants to do is free himself from Skeletron he reminds me of Emperor Palpatine always just wanting to be striked down or something and I think he has little to no care about my legal situations so he would just ask me to free him at all times from this curse and I don’t think he’s going to do anything beyond that so I’m going to go ahead and I’m going to throw the old man into the F lastly on the other NPC’s list we have the skeleton Merchant who is just a simple skeleton out to make a little money during these troubling times now he is kind in comparison to other skeletons and of course comes with his own skeleton jokes and puns that he likes to say pretty much all the time I think he’s at least willing to try and help me given you know financial compensation to him and would do an okay job the judge and jury May question a skeleton in the courtroom but they also have already seen a human fox hybrid and Santa Claus so I think they may be a little bit accustomed to that uh the skeleton Merchant seems to be the best suited of the other NPCs so I’m going to go ahead and throw him into the C tier so last up on this tier list we have the town slimes so I’m going to critique them mainly on just looks and names alone since they all speak slimy gibberish that us common folk can’t understand uh maybe the judge and jury can have like a slime translator and can get through to them somehow they’ll be placed into the tier list but in their own kind of subcategory where if I was forced to choose a town slime as my lawyer but anyways let’s go in and we’re going to quickly rate the town slimes first up we have the nerdy slime so the nerd has some form of knowledge and laws so I can use that to my advantage uh he’s going to go into the a tier now we have the cool slime where he’s too cool for the courtroom and therefore too cool to be my defense he’s going into the F here now we have the Elder slime where the old Elder slime probably has some wisdom he gained over the years so he wouldn’t be too too bad we’re going to go ahead and throw the Elder slime into the B tier now we have the clumsy slime where I feel like the clumsy slime would try pretty hard to be a good lawyer but would somehow fall on the evidence and bring it into the courtroom which could be good or bad for me depending on my situation I’m going to go ahead and throw the Slime into the C tier up next we have the diva slime where maybe the diva slime could somehow make the courtroom act on Purely emotion which again could be a good or bad thing for me probably a bad thing I think that would otherwise be pretty bad bad for me in terms of money or stuff like that so I’m going to go ahead and throw the diva slime not all the way in the F tier we’re going to put Diva slime into the E tier up next we have the sirly Slime where the Surly slime definitely has some sort of connections with the mob so if anything were to go wrong with my case the Surly slime would get angry and slowly just pop or jump towards the the witness stand or prosecution or judge and try and beat them up but at least the mob connections are there so they can use some sort of intimidation Factor uh the Surly slime is going to go into to the D tier up next we have the Mystic slime where I feel like it’s going to be the exact same situation as the wizard where the Mystic slime could use their Mystic abilities to cast some sort of cool spell that incorporates the word slime into it like super slime memory skip or something I don’t know I’m not a cool wizard like they are but they going to make it all the way to the S tier and last up on the Slime list we have a slime that’s Bound by Honor and therefore knows the laws well just like the nerd slime we have the Squire slime the only issue is bringing in the sword they possess and for some reason I do not think they will give up that sword easily I would trust the nerdy slime just a little bit more than the Squire slime so I’m going to go ahead and throw the Squire slime into the B tier and there is another completed tier list folks all Terraria NPCs ranked on how well I think they would represent me as my defense in a court of law now I think this will alter the terrario landscape forever as we know it now if you enjoyed the tier list I’m going to be the stereotypical YouTuber once again and I will ask you to like comment and subscribe and until the next video people adios

Thank you all for the support over the past few weeks! It has been an amazing journey watching this community grow, and I hope to continue to bring some entertainment!

All 37 Terraria NPCs were ranked and given their chance to defend me in a court of law!

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